Driving Frustration Poetry!

Driving Frustration Poetry!

Stuck Behind A Truck

I wish those morons would learn who to drive

they're going so fast to get to where they're going

they all think it's their road

you sometimes wonder if you're going to make it though alive

blast the radio and you go but then you stop

you're going nowhere as you see a traffic jam up ahead

everyone starts beeping and shooting birds

giving obsence gestures and mouthing four-letter words because

You're stuck behind a truck

and are out of luck

about ready to burst and dying of thirst on this hot fall afternoon

driving you hate and soon will be late if you don't leave the interstate soon

lord, teach them how drive

won't you please teach them how to drive

Don't like those Hartline busses, no

don't like those construction workers, no

don't like those downpours, no

don't like those mergeramps, no

Everyone's rushing during rush hour

everyone's crushing during crush hour

everyone's pushing during push hour

and take no prisioners

I'll give you something to take to the bank

no one will mess with me when I get my M-1 Abrams Tank

swing around the 105mm gun to have some fun

and then you'll have those traffic ticket giving cops on the run

and no one, I mean no one will cut you off and you'll never be

Stuck behind a truck

and out of luck

about ready to burst and dying of thirst on this hot fall afternoon

driving you hate and soon will be late if you don't leave the interstate soon

lord, teach them how drive

won't you please teach them how to drive

(c) 2004, Joel Verlin

TRAPPED IN A CAR AND NOT GOING FAR

OR STUCK BEHIND A TRUCK PART II

Stop and go, stop and go

why we're not moving, I don't really know

45 miles per hour, should now be 4.5 miles per hour

IT'S CALLED A GAS PEDAL, PRESS DOWN...CAR GO VROOM!

all this fuss because of a bus

I still don't like those Hartline busses

when they appear many utter cusses

stuck in the Fletch stretch

Fowler's all fouled up

I guess you just have to grin and Bearss it

it's a push to get through Busch

will we make it through Himes in times?

Waters are these people doing on the road

who don't know how to drive?

we're not having fun on 301

trying to stay alive on I-275

the sweat starts to pour when you try to merge on to I-4

help me survive I-75

please, please baby...don't make me drive on Dale Mabry

HEY WOW! THE LIGHT CHANGED! WE'VE MOVED A W H O L E THREE MILLIMETERS!!!?!!?@$$%#^&*(&%##

O LORD, PROTECTOR OF THOSE WHO DON'T LIKE TO DRIVE,

THANK YOU FOR GETTING ME THROUGH ALL

THE PARKWAYS AND AVENUES WHILE BEING...

STUCK BEHIND A TRUCK AND OUT OF LUCK

AND

TRAPPED IN A CAR AND NOT GOING FAR...

JOEL MAURICE VERLIN

Driving Lessons

Memo: From Joel Verlin

To: Everyone out on the highway

Re:

Under certain circumstances please apply the following to make driving a tolerable experience for all involved.

When you are too close to my tailgate USE THE BRAKE

BRAKE: Larger of the two rectangular pedals, located under your LEFT foot.

PRESS DOWN.

When I am too close to your tailgate - USE THE GAS

GAS PEDAL: Smaller of the two rectangular pedals located under your RIGHT foot

PRESS DOWN.

3) When you are preparing to turn or change lanes

TURN SIGNAL:

Horizontal lever located directly to the left of the steering wheel apparatus. When turning left, push DOWN and when turning right, push UP.

My basic philosophy is:

Drive defensively, however sometimes "hard a port" or "hard a starboard" may be necessary

AND

I ALWAYS ASSUME stupiditythough once in a while I observe courtesy.

Please do not use your finger to indicate your current age or IQ. Chances are Ive already guessed it based on your driving performance.

Please keep this in mind so that the highway can be a safe and perhaps even an enjoyable experience.

Joel Maurice Verlin

September 26, 1997

Ó 1997, Joel Maurice Verlin

I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE, YOU IDIOT!

There's a policeman in the middle of the turn lane

I can't get in the other lane of traffice

we're trapped in this turn lane

after all there's two police cars in the gas station off to the left

two police officers directing traffic

so don't beep and flash your lights at me because

I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE, YOU IDIOT!

I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE, YOU IMBECILE!

I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE, YOU BLOCKHEAD!

I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE, YOU NINCOMPOOP!

I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE, YOU IGNORAMUS!

I guess what I'm trying to say is

I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE, YOU IDIOT!

Get a life, get a clue and get a brain, not train, brain.

That's brain with a B!

As in butthead, which you are one.

I hate driving.

(c), 2004, Joel Verlin