9/11/01 Soliloquy (It's a blur)
by Jeff Larsen

It's a blur…
Thoughts rush in…and they're gone
I try to focus…try hard to move on
It's tough…really tough
Those images…those horrible images

So what do we do?
We call loved ones. I called my wife. To hear her voice…it's a feeling of 'security'
Everything will be okay
But those long moments of silence.

It's a blur…
Thoughts rush in…and they're gone
I try to focus…try hard to move on
It's tough…really tough
Those images…those horrible images

We try to carry on. We have jobs to do.
It's tough. People come by our office "Did you hear about this?"
"Did you hear about that?"
Shipments must go out, parts must be built, supply lines checked….

It's a blur…
Thoughts rush in…and they're gone
I try to focus…try hard to move on
It's tough…really tough
Those images…those horrible images

We try to find a distraction or get immersed in a project.
I went to workout at lunch. To get away.
You can't get away.
It had the opposite effect.
The TV's were on and there was silence
It wasn't calming.

It's a blur…
Thoughts rush in…and they're gone
I try to focus…try hard to move on
It's tough…really tough
Those images…those horrible images

We hear inspirational addresses from our leaders to show support…to help.
We can give blood, fly the flag, donate supplies, pray.
We try to be strong. In the afternoon my phone started ringing.
Calls were being returned from messages I left before 9:00 that morning.
Those hollow empty voices…on both sides of the phone…
Trying to get through it.

It's a blur…
Thoughts rush in…and they're gone
I try to focus…try hard to move on
It's tough…really tough
Those images…those horrible images

We leave work to find the comfort of our friends or family.
I went to church.
I sat quietly overcome with emotions.
Seeking strength. Praying.
My in-laws had the kids and a party was planned for my wife's birthday.
There was no celebration.
Terri arrives and the kids run up to her yelling "Mommy, Mommy" as was customary.
And give her a big hug.
Things will be okay.
My son says "I'm sorry about your birthday"

It's a blur…
Thoughts rush in…and they're gone
I try to focus…try hard to move on
It's tough…really tough
Those images…those horrible images

We are drawn to the media coverage.
It starts as a quest for information.
It turns into a quest for answers.
It's terrible.
Eventually we find sleep.
I woke up early. The newspaper comes.
I don't want to see it.
I'm certain there is nothing emotionally for me to gain from it.
I prepare for work.
I go into the kitchen and there it is…the full page pictures in the newspaper.
My heart sinks.

It's a blur…
Thoughts rush in…and they're gone
I try to focus…try hard to move on
It's tough…really tough
Those images…those horrible images

I drove to work like any other day.
But the radio was off.
It seemed like a normal day.
45 minutes went by without a word about IT.
E-mail is starting to flow.

It's a blur…
Thoughts rush in…and they're gone
I try to focus…try hard to move on
It's tough…really tough
Those images…those horrible images

We've all had our own experiences…
But it truly is about each of us.
We all have healing to do.

Encouraging Word for Sept 17

A prayer of encouragement if I may:

"Oh Lord grief and panic and fear pervade our land as whispers of war grip our people. There has been an attack on our soil. Death and destruction is not a movie or a video game any more it is a reality.

So we are left oh God with horrible pictures and a great sense of violation, fear and deep grief unlike many of us have know in our life time. God we pray for at least three things:

1. Please oh Lord comfort and protect those who are trying to piece together their lives in New York and around our nation.
2. We pray for wisdom and guidance for our president, leaders and soldiers as they prepare to respond and literally shape our world in the 21 Century.

3. We pray for a personal examination of what we trust, what we value, what we tolerated in our country as a way of life. May we see this as an opportunity to decide if what we write on our coins about "in God we trust " is true. We need to be a nation under God and we need to examine our nation, our life styles and seek you with humility.

We have talked more about prayer and guidance since Sept 11 than we have in the last 25 years. Forgive us for taking so long to understand with the Psalmist that you and you alone are our rock and our refuge. That is what we should trust.

WE humble ourselves oh Lord, we repent of the evil we have exhibited and we seek your face. Heal our land and change our direction and let it begin with me. For you are our strength and you are our redeemer. Amen "
... ken smith prayed that.

- Ken Smith, www.kensmith.org, used with permission.

Also: Please check out this tribute by my good friends the Paulets...click on the picture of my Good friend Lee Paulet below to be taken to Lee and Betsy's page.